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                   BEACH BOB'S
        PRIVACY POLICY		  
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LEGALESE PLAIN ENGLISH REDNECK
1.  The party of the first part, hereinafter called "us," gathers no personal identification information, hereinafter called "PII," from the party of the second part, hereinafter called "you," other than in the event that you correspond with us via electronic communications colloquially known as email or submit by check an order for merchandise during or after your visit to this web  site, hereinafter called "Heaven." 1. We don't collect any personal identifying information on this site, unless you email us or order something by check, in which case we have your name, email address, shipping address and checking  account information. 1.  We ain't got no way a' knowing who y'all are less'n y'all tell us thru that thar email thang or if'n y'all buy sump'n from us'n wi' a check.  Then we know all 'at stuff 'bout y'all.
2.   This is too exhausting to finish.  If you want a laugh, take it to your lawyer and have him draft up a version for you.  He'll probably charge you an arm and a leg, though.  Or maybe I'll get back to fiddling with this and you'll see more legalese stuff below.  (don't hold your breath.) 2.  If you are a member of PayPal and order something from us, or sign up with them using a link from this site, all ordering and/or signup information is handled by their servers, not ours, and is completely invisible to this site. b.  If'n y'all order sump'n using a credit card or if'n y'all sign up wit' that thar PayPal thang by clickin' one a' them thar linky thangs we got around here, y'all deal with their computer thangs, not this'n.
  3.  If you order something using a credit card through PayPal, we receive from PayPal only your name, shipping address, email address and a list of what you ordered and that payment has been made.   Your credit card and/or checking account information is secure with them; they give us NO information about your credit card and/or checking account.  Refer to:
    PayPal's Main Page		 3.  We don't git no info 'bout y'all from PayPal 'cept what we need to get your stuff to y'all.  They got one a' them secure server thangs, and all your information 'bout your credit card or checkin' account stays with them only.  We don't git it, y'hear?  And y'all kin check wit' PayPal to see that we ain't lying at y'all.  That thar linky thang is over thar
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  4.  We do keep a database of customers' names, email addresses, shipping addresses and ordering history for our own internal use and for possible followup marketing.  We also make it simple and easy for you to opt out of receiving future contact.  C.  We keep info y'all give us so we kin refer back to it and maybe send ya some stuff y'all might find int'restin', like if we got sum new stuff for y'all.  Ya'll kin tell us to stop sending y'all stuff any time y'all wanta.
  5.  NO information about you will be shared with any third parties, unless a court orders us to do so or we are required to do so through some other legal process (e.g., a summons.) 5.  We keep all that info 'bout y'all to ourselves, less'n a judge tells us we gotta do sump'n wit' it and give it ta sumbody.
  6. COOKIES.  At this time, we do use a few cookies, and  some of the off-site sources we link to also use them.   When the Full Version of "Find The Dragon" is released, cookies will be used to help keep track of your progress through the game.  However, no identifying information about you or your computer is or will be collected. 6. COOKIES.  We ain't just too sure 'bout what these thangs are anyhow, but we're only usin' a few so far yet, and sum' a them thar linky thangs go to folks that do.  When the big Version of "Find the Dragon" is done, then we'll be using 'em to keep track of how y'all are doing at the game.  But we don't get no private info from y'all.
 7.  If, as a fesult of events or circumstances either within or beyond the control of the party of the first part, to wit:  "us,"  should the party of the first part, to wit:  "us," become aware of any requirement that the party of the first part, to wit:  "we," disclose additional information, said requirement being heretofore unknown to the party of the first part, to wit:  "us,"  the party of the first part, to wit:  "we," shall disclose said information to the party of the second part, to wit:  "you," as soon as is practicable to the party of the first part, to wit:  "us."  In the intervening time, if any, the party of the first part shall deal with the party of the second part by application of the allegedly biblical admonition colloquially known as the Golden Rule, subject to the following limitation:  It's a two-way street. 7.  We don't know what else we may need to tell you, but if we find out that we need to tell you more, we'll do that.  For now, we'll tell you that we'll treat you and any personal information you give us with the same respect and privacy considerations that we'd want people to give us (and we expect the same respect from you). 7. We may larn 'at we gotta tell y'all more stuff, and soon as we know what that stuff might be, we'll do it.
For now, we'll just treat you and your info good as we treat ol' Bubba. (He's mah ver' best huntin' hound, got his own place under the porch 'n we feed him reg'lar like, y'hear?) 'Nuff said.

And if y'all wanta see a pitcher o' him 'n my hog, click this here linky thang Bubba